Managing Aggressive Dementia Behavior

Compassionate Care for Challenging Moments

Hi there, friends,

It’s Beth Sholom from Right at Home Central New Jersey. Today, I want to talk about something that can be really tough for families dealing with dementia—aggressive behavior. If you’re a caregiver or have a loved one with dementia, you might have experienced this yourself. I know firsthand how upsetting and confusing it can be when someone you care for suddenly lashes out. It leaves you feeling helpless, and sometimes even heartbroken. 

But you’re not alone. This is something many families face, and there are ways to help manage these moments with patience and understanding. So, let’s talk about why this happens and what you can do when aggression takes over.

Understanding the “Why”

When someone with dementia becomes aggressive, it’s usually because they’re confused, scared, or overwhelmed. Imagine not recognizing the people or the environment around you. It’s terrifying, right? For someone with dementia, their world often stops making sense, and aggression can be a way of expressing fear, frustration, or discomfort.

Here are some common reasons why aggression happens:

1. Confusion and Misunderstanding: If your loved one doesn’t recognize their surroundings or even the people they once knew, that confusion can quickly turn into frustration and fear. They might think you’re a stranger trying to harm them, even when you’re just trying to help.

2. Physical Discomfort: Sometimes, aggression is their way of communicating that something is wrong. Maybe they’re hungry, in pain, or just plain tired, but they can’t express it the way they used to. The frustration builds up, and it comes out as anger.

3. Feeling Overwhelmed: Too much noise, too many people, or even a busy environment can overwhelm someone with dementia. If they feel out of control, they might lash out in frustration.

4. Loss of Independence: Dementia takes away so much from a person—their memory, their sense of self, and their independence. That loss can be incredibly frustrating, and it’s not uncommon for people to act out because of it.

What You Can Do When Aggression Happens

I know it’s hard when someone you love is being aggressive. But there are ways to handle it that can help ease the tension—for both you and your loved one. Here’s what I’ve found to work:

1. Stay Calm and Offer Reassurance:

• I know, easier said than done, right? But staying calm is key. Your loved one is already feeling confused or scared, and if you react with frustration, it might escalate the situation. Speak softly, reassure them, and let them know they’re safe. Sometimes a simple “I’m here, and everything is okay” can go a long way.

2. Give Them Space if Needed:

• If things are getting intense, it’s okay to take a step back and give them some space. Sometimes, just stepping out of the room for a moment can help calm things down. You can stay close by, but giving them that bit of breathing room might make them feel less overwhelmed.

3. Check for Physical Needs:

• Are they hungry? Thirsty? In pain? It’s important to check if their aggression is being caused by something physical. If they can’t communicate what’s bothering them, try to gently figure out if something needs to be addressed.

4. Use Gentle Touch (if they’re okay with it):

• If your loved one is comfortable with touch, a gentle hand on their shoulder or holding their hand can provide comfort and reassurance. Sometimes physical closeness can calm them down when words aren’t enough.

5. Simplify Their Environment:

• If there’s a lot going on around them—too much noise, clutter, or too many people—it might be overstimulating. Try to create a calm, quiet space where they can feel more relaxed. A soft, peaceful environment can make all the difference.

6. Redirect Their Focus:

• If they’re upset or fixated on something, try to gently redirect their attention. Maybe suggest an activity they enjoy or bring out something familiar and comforting. Whether it’s music, a favorite snack, or just a simple walk outside, sometimes changing the scenery can help shift their mood.

7. Remember, It’s Not Personal:

• This might be the hardest part—reminding yourself that it’s the disease talking, not them. It’s not easy to deal with aggression, especially from someone you love. But their behavior is a result of the confusion dementia causes, and it’s not a reflection of how they feel about you. Try not to take it personally, even though I know that can be tough.

When to Ask for Help

You don’t have to go through this alone. If aggressive behavior becomes too much to handle, there’s absolutely no shame in reaching out for help. Right at Home caregivers are specially trained to deal with the challenging behaviors that come with dementia. We can offer both practical support and emotional relief, so you can take a step back when you need it. Remember, asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a way to make sure your loved one gets the care they need while also taking care of yourself.

Take Care of Yourself, Too

Being a caregiver is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and it’s so important to take care of yourself. You can’t be there for your loved one if you’re running on empty. So, whether it’s taking a walk, calling a friend, or even just sitting quietly for a few minutes, make sure you’re giving yourself the care and attention you deserve. You’re doing an incredible job, and you deserve to take a breath.

We’re Here to Help

At Right at Home Central New Jersey, we understand how challenging it can be to care for a loved one with dementia. Our caregivers are here to support you, whether it’s providing care for your loved one or giving you the break you need. We’re in this together, and we’re here to help you every step of the way.

Let’s Stay Connected

If you ever need advice or just want to chat, don’t hesitate to reach out. And if you’re looking for more caregiving tips, check out our RightMinute Series on YouTube—just search for Right at Home Central New Jersey. We’ve got lots of stories and advice that can help lighten the load on your caregiving journey.

Take care,

Beth Sholom

Owner, Right at Home Central New Jersey

For more information about our services or to learn how we can help, visit us at www.rahcentral.com or give us a call at (732) 967-0900. We’re here to help you and your loved ones with the care and compassion you need.